Look to the lilies

It had come upon me, gradually, but with increasing force (and attendant anxiety), that I won't have a job next year. And so for the last few weeks, I've been worrying about money. It isn't so much that I want a tremendous amount, I say, but just enough to pay the rent and food, and have a little left over for emergencies. And of course, it isn't about the money itself, but avoiding the sense of shame that would wash over me, were the end of month to arrive, and I couldn't amass enough to pay rent.

So it floored me when I read the following confession from CS Lewis:

I'm a panic-y person about money myself (which is a most shameful confession and a thing dead against Our Lord's words) and poverty frightens me more than anything else except large spiders and the tops of cliffs: one is sometimes even tempted to say that if God wanted us to live like the lilies of the field He might have given us an organism more like theirs!

These seem fairly incongruous statements, until you realise that the man who said those words also gave two-thirds of his income away, and even then was not satisfied with the extent of his charities.

*********************

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
- Jesus.

Three Patiences

One must have 3 Patiences: patience with God, patience with one's neighbour and patience with oneself. - CS Lewis.

What I carry in my pockets

Today I discovered the old Hasidic saying that each of us should carry around two pieces of paper, one in each pocket. One piece of paper says "I am but dust and ashes": this is what I read when I'm feeling proud and self-important. But when I'm feeling worthless or ashamed, I read the other piece of paper, which says: "For me the world was created."

(With thanks to http://faith-theology.blogspot.com/2010/10/giveaway-butterflyfish-great-and-small.html)

An introspective string of words (Not again!)

Like a patient I come to you
Like a doctor you diagnose me

Introvert? Extrovert?
Intuitive, A Feeler

Likes to keep her options open
Must be a Perceiver.

Ahh yes...

You've worked me out now.

Placed ticks in boxes
Chalked up the score

Pin me up
Like a recipe, a list

A judgment pre-made.

But these letters, these percentages
This definition of me

What do they know of ...

Cool linoneum on hot dusty feet

The lifting of heart
When seeing a kite
straining against the wind

The blood sizzling in the brain
At an idea

winding its way through airless tunnels
straining for words
the breath of life

The jump in the pit of the stomach
Upon sighting a small bird at one's feet
Fearless

What does they know of ...

Weeping that doesn't stop
with the coming of dawn?

Does it remember the barely audible roar
Like a beast in pain

The quaking within
What can you do with this humanly beast

Does it know of the waiting
Waiting for the remaking

Grant me death
So that in the drowning of life
A new creature might begin

There will come a time
When this brokenness will no longer contain

When the sunlight shall stream through my veins

I will not be contained


I will hold on
I will wait

My favourite blog of 2010

Alright. I've been keeping this hidden from you - yes, all of you, numbering four, who subscribe this silent simulacrum of a blog...

But I think I'd better share. (And, in fact, I have emailed posts to one of you already.)

My friend Arthur linked me to an article from this blog http://faith-theology.blogspot.com/and I've been hooked since. It's a veritable treasure-trove of all my favourite things: theology, German writers, fiction, writing, philosophy, literature ...

I don't agree with everything, but the writing is so seductive and pungent that I am often tempted to agree with it, just to have the joy of form and content cohering into one perfect happiness.

But disagreements make one think harder, and it's a pleasant business.

Check out the series of 3 gelato stories, and generally the entries in "August 2010", which includes some poignant reflections on writing from Flannery O'Connor, Rowan Williams, and my favourite, the moving entry "On Theology and Friendship."

The Visual Mixtape on the Behance Network

These be rather cool posters.

The Visual Mixtape on the Behance Network

Musing

This shall be my shortest post ever. Here's a question:

I wonder if reading the Narnia series' particular brand of mythopoeia as allegory is reductionistic and ultimately stagnating. What do you think?